Florida poem and jokes

Florida Blessing

Bless this house, oh Lord, we cry.
Please keep it cool in mid-July.
Bless the walls where termites dine
While ants and roaches march in time.
Bless our yard where spiders pass ,
Fire ant castles in the grass.
Bless the garage, home to please
Carpenter beetles, ticks and fleas.
Bless the love bugs, two by two,
The gnats and mosquitoes that feed on you.
Millions of creatures that fly or crawl,
In FLORIDA, Lord, you've put them all!
But this is home, and here we'll stay,
So thank you Lord, for insect spray.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN FLORIDA IN AUGUST WHEN....

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron!

The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window. (Been
there,
done that!)

You actually burn your hand opening the car door. (Yup, that too!)

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is,
"What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to
death?"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and
just
add butter, salt and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying
boiled
eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

Ah, what a place to call home.

God Bless Our Great State of FLORIDA!!!